sth... quite important to me...

19th September 2008 Friday… something happened…

Today, was quite a cheerful day… until at night, after confirming that there wont be badminton for the day, my whole feelings totally changed. It’s not because I cannot play badminton. But I was also quite disappointed cause I cannot go there to release my stress. So, I decided to walk along the dark slope behind the boarding school.

It was quite cooling there, and I felt a little better. Until something happened…

He called me down to talk. I thought for some time if I should still stay downstairs or go up and rest in my room. But eventually, I chose to stay downstairs. I didn’t expect anything bad to happen. But somehow, I felt that something bad will happen tonight. I thought twice and decided to go back up but it was too late… he was already downstairs… so, we sat at the benches…
There was total silence for a moment. I could even hear the sound of the wind blowing.

Suddenly, he started asking me questions. I was speechless and did not choose to answer. I was mute that moment, or should I say that I just couldn’t find the right words to make up an ordinary sentence. I head was totally blank. I was really very scared. (I should not continue illustrating the whole story…) but on this very particular day, I rejected someone, for the 1st time of my life, I rejected a guy. I really felt very guilty and hope that I didn’t break anything… after saying that killer sentence, I quickly ran up to my room. I almost cried… That was really really the FIRST time I ever done that! I can believe that I actually did that… it was really a very very big thing to me…

After cooling myself down, I went downstairs to ask for help from my senior for Chem. Then, he walked pass. He talked to us, very angrily, and told me that he wanted to talk to me. I was really scared that he will hate me. Thank god someone called me and discussed something for quite some time. After that, I quickly ran up to my room without letting him notice.
Once I came up, the ringtone ‘Bleeding Love’ by Leona Lewis start bursting out of my phone speaker. I was very scared to pick up his phone calls so I ignored all of them. But I realized that I did the wrong decisions, ignoring him and ignoring his phone calls. That will just make him hate me more! So I decided to call him and listen to what he has to say.
We speaked for a while and hung up very soon.

Since then, I didn’t really talk to him. I was very scared that he would hate me for making this decision… sincerely, I really don’t know if I have made the right decision… (to be cont…)

Ps. I am really very very sorry. I have tried my best not to hurt anyone but seems that I really must take this road this time. I am very scared that I will hurt my good friends. I am scared that if I did this decision, people will hate me and a will loose a friend. But I think that I really did the right decision. Sorry. Please forgive me… =[