im too lazy to do up my nails ._. although the previous design is chipping like mad ._.

every night i sent you a goodnight message.. i wonder if you read them.. cuz you never reply my msgs, even on fb.. i miss you, yknow.. im feeling so lonely here.. i havent talked to many people.. just zhongwei.. dont want to talk to anyone else when i dont even get to talk to you
everytime i hear your name, see your name, my heart skips a beat.
I've rejected like, 3 people, for you, recently, but its like you dont even realise it..
I read some of the msgs you sent me last december.. the one msg where you finally realise what i feel, where you told me the things i wanted to hear.. why is all that gone..?

well, I really hope something special will happen on our 1.5 year..

i remember the times when we webcam-ed during holidays...

somehow, it feels like you dont care anymore..

today is christmas eve! but still no proper christmas dinner this year ._. i shall wait ._.
anyways, what do i want for christmas...
i just want you :)
i love you, forever and always :) merry christmas :) <3

I LOVE YOU.
period.

i feel like trying to sing 'all i want for christmas is you' <3

just thrashed out with Lester. teared a little, but im okay :)
but really, i still dont know what you want.
I want you. Do you still want me? ._.

Oh ya, if anyone ever reads this blog, which I kind of doubt so since it has been dead for awhile, this is my tumblr link :
www.sweetlollipoplove.tumblr.com

 i know it sounds funny, but its because I created the account for fun at first out of curiousity and didn't expect to be so active there haha.
anyway, my tumblog is a blog full of photos I like, fashion, inspiring quotes, some of my own photos, so if you're interested, go ahead :) follow me if you do check out my tumblr :) I'll follow back :)

If you remember, before we were together, I was the reluctant one. I didn't want to get involved in a relationship because I was scared. Scared of being hurt again. And again. Well, somehow, I decided that this would be the last time I will risk my heart being broken.
And now, I'm still the reluctant one. The one not wanting to let go, the one not wanting to fall out of love with you. And I know it makes me sound horribly desperate.
I know there are many people trying to separate us, but fuck, I really don't care, I love you.

all this complaining is making me sound like a psycho bitch i know, who knows, maybe I am one. haha.

Gosh im thinking too much again..
I realised I havent been socialising much, it's so not me. Staying at home rotting instead of having fun outside with friends.
And yes, Im thinking too much again cuz I miss you. Last year's this month, many things happened. Things I never imagined would happen.Yes, it tore me into shreds. But they say what doesn't kill you just makes you stronger. So I guess that was how I went through the whole year. It was a rough year. I tried to look tough on the outside, but the truth is, on the inside, everyday I'm crying, everyday I'm dying for all these to be over. And now, I realise, it won't be over for a very long time. I do admit i get paranoid very often, and I'm sorry, but it's just me. Actually I think you should be glad that I get paranoid. ._. or not ._. i dont know. Okay I dont know what I'm saying anymore so I'll stop here I guess.
Nobody would believe me but yeah, I love you, more than anything else in this world. :)

stupid me in tears again ><

okay ._.
oh one more thing i wanna complain here.
MY NECK FREAKING HURTS!! :(:(:( it hurts like hell :( and my throat too :( please dont tell me its infection again ._.

bloody hell I wanna see you I wanna go out with you the freaking ban is over already and I still dont get to see you.

lalala ._. im bored ._.
wanna go jamming! D: but everyone's timing is different ._. so gotta wait til after christmas ._. wow i just realised I'll be staying so far from the studio then ._. nvm ._.

let's pray hard nothing bad happens this december again..

*praypraypraypraypray*


i love you

wanted to type a longer post, but forget it.
just know that i miss you. A lot.
i think of you every night before i sleep, like i promised.
hope you do..
i wanna see you so bad..
this year has been so horrible..

made cookies today :D
conclusion:
cakes are easier to make than cookies ._.

i wanna open blogshop
i wanna open blogshop
i wanna open blogshop
i wanna open blogshop
i wanna open blogshop
i wanna open blogshop
i wanna open blogshoppppp!!!
somebody guide me :(

I love you :')

S'MORES! :D

made s'mores for the first time :) just that i used normal crackers instead of grahams >< its so yummy! the marshmallow becomes soooo big in the microwave :D so cute! <3 Im gonna make it another time! :D

you said after exams you dont care what i do and what time i sleep. liar. now youre against everything i do n the time i sleep

this is sad ._. i tried to upgrade my iPhone version to IOS5 and my iTunes didn't backup everything in my phone. it backed up nothing. ._. so everything is gone, notes, msgs, contacts, photos ._. super sad ._. oh well ._.

yes I'm jealous :( I know i shouldn't be :(

I love you :) and i miss you :( okay smile :)

Choir will be singing at Mdm Ang's wake today and tmr..
principal gathered all choir members in AVA today, everyone cried.. we miss you Mdm Ang..

RIP Mrs Yeap.. We'll miss you.. Thanks for everything you've done for us..

WOW the new blogger template is becoming like Tumblr o.o

its been a long time since i ever touched this blog ._. cuz I love tumblr much more than I love blogger ._.

another year has passed.. its been a very rough year. but, yay, i made it through :)
last night was grad night, unforgettable.
this morning you left so early ._. i miss you already ._. Didnt get to spend much time with you this year. But I'll wait :) I'll wait for you :) you have no idea how much I love you :) almost 1.5 years and still loving you, if not the same, then more, never any less :)

I was thinking of opening a blogshop. Should I?

so depressed by my disgusting results... ._.

oh god... horrible results again.. ._.

guess im just such a disappointment..

ahhh dang..

someone go shopping with me n make me feel better? :(

eesshh i wanna buy new clothes ._. manymany new clothes ._.

walao..

MYE is like, this friday?

wtf damn fast can..

im like half dead ald, trying to read through the chapters, let alone memorise -.-

ss totally made me knock off -.-

bio ah, okay luh, but then so many chapters -.-

bio ss hist geog 4 days in a row, not forgetting other papers in that 4 days ._.

hell man...

im gonna die...

regret not starting earlier... ._.

after mye we shall attempt in starting the band >< hopefully can get people ><

idiot.

delete lah! go delete everything else.

go ahead.

stupididiot!@#$^&*()_QWERTYUIOP{ASDFGHJKLZXFGHJMK

DAMN PISSED OFF

YAY! baking brownies! :D

YAY! baking brownies! :D

just because of one stupid goddamned phone

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO.

ALL OF YOU.

fine.

i'll go away.

if thats what everyone wants.

FUCK ALL THIS.

FUCK LIFE.

WHAT THE FUCK LAH.

DAMN IT.

just end my life here then nobody will need to tolerate my fucking bull crap...

stupid shit.

fuck this

fuck everything

you started ruining my life.

damn pissed

stupid shit

in this case i might as well sit there and stone forever.

I....seriously miss you...

so..

lesson learnt:

always treasure the times you get to spend together.

im hoping for something that shouldnt happen...

how pathetic...

ms oh! dont bully me! D:

and i know youre reading this xD

yes

i like to bottle things up.

not that i wan to, its just my nature.

the only way i can express myself well is through writing and typing.

nobody can change that.

and guess what.

theres only a handfull of people i can express myself properly.

3? 4? idk..

and the one i have been sharing my feelings with all along, gone now.

the one i used to share most things with...

at least i still have a few more friends...

but its never gonna be the same...

i'll just have to bottle more things up... i guess...

i should consider being a lesby one day...

i really should...

i dont wanna go to school.

it sucks.

now.

i wana hide in one corner of the world and be totally alone.

SS test..

i havent freaking studied the format

chiong tmr

idk

i'll find my way

i might even stare blankly at the paper and flunk it who knows

i'll just... live through tmr...

hope that tmr goes well...

can i just stay out from school tmr?

i freaking hate my effing life

i should effing go and die.

no point keeping everything inside and expect things i want to happen

i cant even bloody make my own decisions for my self.

no effing choice i can make at all

what the freaking hell is this

this is NOT my definition of MY LIFE.

ugh

can i have a month holiday?

so that i can hide indoors all day and cry..

teng, thanks for accompanying me...

really appreciate it...

i finally laughed smiled talked ...

hope tmr will be a fine day..

choir...

oh god...

please dont make me break down in front of everyone...

my bloody eyes are bloody swollen and it bloody hurts like hell

hope youre writing on the scrapbook...

remember to write every now and then...

somebody

pass me a blade

thankew

i need help..

serious help...

i cant take it...

its only one day and im half dead already..

stupid

irritating

annoying

freak

UGHHHHH!!!

I HATE THIS!

okay

so

im the stupid

irritating

annoying

freak

crazy

useless

whatever

UGHHH sick of this

I

wanna kill myself.

i hate this world.

i hate me.

i hate the things happening around me.

conclusion : i should die.

why?

because

i am threatened.

i am forced to break up.

i am forced to forget someone that mean so much to me.

i am forced to not talk to that person.

i am forced to lose another friend. as if i have so many friends -.-

i am forced to lose a BEST friend.

i am forced to lose a good listener.

i am forced to lose someone i enjoy being with.

i am forced to not contact that person in any ways.

i am forced to lose someone a can rant all day with.

i am forced to lose someone that understands me most.

i am forced to lose someone that cares about me.

i am forced to lose someone i care about.

i am forced to lose someone i shared good memories with.

i am forced to lose someone i can complain all day to.

i am forced to do all these so that i can stay in this stupid school.

WHAT THE HECK IS THE WORLD TURNING INTO?

are you trying to teach us that threatening is the right thing to do?

i have MY OWN RIGHTS to make MY OWN DECISIONS.

everyone else can, why cant I?

why specifically me?!

im starting to get along with studying hard and spending less time together.

i already WANT to study hard!

i just want someone to accompany me!

i just need that someone to be there for me!

i've already lost 2 best friends. now you want me to lose one more. as if it doesnt hurt enough!

you dont understand me at all! so just let me do what i think is right!

i NEED that someone...

i really do...

i cant stop crying and sobbing...

why the heck must it always be like this?!

arent we distant enough already?!

is that not enough for you?!

we only get to see each other in school during breaks and after school!

what else do you want to take away from me?!

i'll give you my life if thats what you want.

there's no point living anymore with all these crap

im just forced to do things i dont like.

whats the point of living.

im just another controlled robot.

i dont get to do things my way.

what the heck

im sick of this already.

ughhhhh

im done.

gonna vent more anger later...

omg

i suddenly feel the urge to learn hiphop

but sadly

i know im not flexible enough ._.

haiz...

its just so damn coolllll!!!! :O

so much for HAPPY valentines day -.-

i am so not happy today -.-

why the fck am i living in this world..?

i should be somewhere in outerspace now..

i hate this world

i hate my life

i hate me

i hate everything

done

whoever that created me just wanted me to suffer.

hello this is MY life!

i want to control my OWN life!

i have the rights to control my life

i have the rights to have privacy

so please do not invade my freaking privacy?!

its not like i dont have a freaking brain to make a freaking decision right!

cant you just let me be a normal teen?!

ughhhh

one day i might really have a major breakdown and commit a freaking suicide.

you never know.

i dont think i can ever trust you anymore.

seriously.

talking behind my back. whatever.

valentines day is tmr...

how amazing...

today...?

13th feb

kept jumping out of my bed, being too excited ><

kept waking up ><

chionged out as fast as i could!

rushrushrush!

being so super happy :)

went Kovan mrt :D

:3 saw what i wanted to see

smiled so awkwardly ><

cuz you probably messed up my nervous system ><

took mrt to orchard! :D got out of mrt! SUPER HOT!

walkwalkwalk...

searched for Tanglin Mall for around 1 hour? xD

walkwalkwalk

like retards, cannot find xD

asked concierge

finally got the direction XD

went into super awkward mall ><

why awkward? cuz mostly angmohs ><

ordered too much xD in the end too full xD

too full so decided to go home cuz too lazy to walk around

now going to watch Chingay parade! :D

bye! :D

i miss you... :(

omg so tired ><

went to chinatown after steamboat dinner ><

nothing much to see cuz today first day of new year -.-

then walkwalkwalk ended up at little india xD

went to find this super big shopping mall near city square mall ><

walkwalkwalkwalk

finally found it ><

walk awhile then left

rushed back cuz scared bus service end before we can catch it back home ><

rushrushrush

back home! :D

so freaking tired now ><

wore my new awesome shirt! :D

tmr going sentosa! yay! :D

im back! XD

hmmm nothing much to talk about... ._.

its cny! and im not quite excited

only excited because its cny therefore there is holiday, cny therefore new clothes! XD holiday therefore can slack, can go out, can paint nails blahblah xD

my nails are blood red with a shiny little star on each nail! both fingers and toes! :D to match the cny mood xP

last night went to angmo, the people there lelong cny cookies xP SUPER CHEAP! everyone basically helped the clear stock xD the fridges were totally empty! closing til next tues D: how to survive? xD

yesterday had lunch at pasta mania, ate super nice chocolate cake! its hot! :D chocolatechocolate! :D

went to pei u cut hair! super nice kay! except the bangs abit too short xP ITS NICE! IM TELLING YOU! SERIOUS!

newyearnewyear... stay in sg do what ><

had super nice steamboat dinner :D so much food xD the stupid steamboat pot damn fail, in the end use rice cooker xD

yay! wear new clothes tmr! :D but i look hideous -.- everyone go back msia d... :( so sien... :(

i wan angpaosssssss ><

valentines day coming very soon :) cant wait :D

maybe we should share cost and buy roses for sop juniors xD

i need to plan on my gift + surprise too! >:| brainstormbrainstorm .-.

wan a very good surprise! :D

xD bigbigrose xD funny xP embarrass you xD

im so full now i think im gonna puke ><

FOUR DAYS! I SHALL TAHAN! i did it for 1 mth ><><

but... :( ah fine ._.

might be going chinatown later ><><

nvm xD

anyway

HAPPY CNY EVERYONE! :D

ahhhhh

so buzy recently...

i was asked to update my blog again xD

so

just some simple things about recently...

i really think MrLui should go be a comedian. seriously. he's just super funny. even when he tries to be angry, he is still funny.

and MsToh and MrLui are like what, matchmadeinheaven? :X

anyway

ive been so freaking tired recently...

so much happening...

projects...

test...

studies...

problems running in my head...

in fact, i actually broke down in class this week...

thank god you were there to save me...

i almost died... not literally of course.

but yeah...

so much happening...

so much running in my mind...

just wana start a whole new life right now...

its just to painful...

all these memories...

all these problems that happened to me...

i shall persevere...

._.

lastly

I LOVE HAM & BLACKPEPPER CHEESE SANDWICH!

i am seriously gonna bring it to school every single day ><

okay i think im having mood swing....

whatever ><

i wish you would stop harassing me.. its too painful...

ok. i shall write a post cuz i was asked to xD

so, recently i got specs. which is so not nice. -.- it leaves a mark at my nose bridge. ugly.

another random thing:

i think im addicted to xiaxue's blog ><>

and everytime i visit, it makes me depressed >.<>

and because of her, i suddenly feel like getting coloured contacts.

in case you dont know, i recently got specs, but very low degree only lah. ><

should i get coloured contacts? i dunno how to wear contacts though ._.

wanna go shopping!

i want.....

a new school bag

a new wallet

a new phone

a new sweater

new shirts

new shorts

hmmmm what else....

I WANT PIERCINGS! ><

I WANNA DYE MY HAIR! probably during june hols ><

i wana buy story books :(

i wana dress up ><

i miss dressing up :(

havent dressed up in ages...

havent gone out with friends for centuries.. :(

how sad can sec4 life be... :/

tests :( every week :(

remedials :(

SYF :(

haiz...

well at least i have aircon classroom this year...

wish i didnt need to think about all these :(

sucks ttm.. :(

im glad that this week will be better than any other ordinary week :)

this week... :)

cant wait for next month!

FEBUARY! :D

okay. i think im ugly and useless. ._. anyone agrees? yeah, everyone agrees. ._.

what a miserable life ><

im so incapable in doing everything ._.

and...

i really dont like her.

dont like her face.

just dont like her ._.

so, stay away from my property. >_>

its never gonna be yours, im telling you.

haiz.. right now, studies first. yeah. whatever. studies prioritize.

._. great. ._.

ehhhhhh update your blog lehh :(

you dont update then i dont feel like updating.. :( too lazy ><

i bet youre lazy too... xP PIGGY!

but update leh :(

so many places i wana go with every one in the world.

STICKY!

vivo!

sentosa!

bugis!

escape!

ion!

nex!

pasir ris!

etcetcetcetcetcetcetcetcetcetcetcetc

manymany places i wana go... :(

havent taken neoprint in a long time.. :(

havent even camwhored in a long time... ._.

im turning so unattractive now. ._.

even more unattractive than i already am... ._.

wish i had the money to get all the things i want ><

and im getting fat.

shucks ._.

this is so not good. ._.

i realised im making no sense in this super long post ><

anyway... good night earthlings!

i shall consider getting coloured contacts! :)

fine la.

i suck la

walao. seriously lah. i've never known anyone more discouraging than you.

you might as well shoot me in the head now. -.-

i hate this la seriously.

stupid sia

always must talk like that.

fuck lah

dont even know me well enough.

stupid shit.